Wedding wonderfulness and the WWF

Preface: Everything I am about to write comes from an affectionate place. I do not intend to sound superior, condescending or judgmental, but I probably will.

Friday was Johnny Lyman's wedding to Alice English in lovely Rockland County, New York. The ceremony took place in the Church of Our Lady of the Sacred Heart, a small chapel where Alice's brothers were all married (which they mentioned during the service) and Johnny's father was memorialized (which they didn't). Tom looked fabulous in his tuxedo, and I, having inadvertently sat on the bride's side, had a perfect view of him as he sat on the dais carefully avoiding any genuflecting. I think he managed an, "And also with you." at some point, but I can't be certain, as I was concentrating on not giving away my Presbyterian-ness and was repeating, "Forgive us our trespasses, not debts, trespasses...and stop after deliver us from evil because you DON"T want to be that one Protestant in the audience who goes into the power and glory line again." A friend of Alice's read the "Love is patient," speech from Corinthians. She introduced it by saying, "...from the gospel of St. Paul," only it sounded like, "...from the gospel of Saint Puwall," at which point Tom's eyes popped out of his head with surprise. He apparently didn't know that there would be communion, as at one point he looked at his family and mouthed, "Is there communion? Communion? No one told me. Told me. No. Told me. Communion. Yea. No."

So Johnny and Alice got hitched up. I went out to the parking lot to wait for the receiving line to finish and met some of Tom and John's friends from childhood. Apparently they all played on the CoOLotSH basketball team and practiced at the gym next to the chapel when they were 8 or 9. Patty (Tom and John's oldest sister) told me how all the families that they grew up with had originally come from the Bronx and moved to Rockland County in one mass exodus in the mid to late 60s, so not only did the kids all know each other from childhood, but their parents often did too.

Cut to reception at the Florentine Gardens in River Vale, New Jersey..."Where we invite you to live the dream of your most magical day in classic elegance and romantic seclusion." If you can read that sentence in your best Tony Soprano voice, that would be great. The place was beautiful -- many ubiquitous columns -- but very nice and tricked out for events such as the Lyman-English wedding reception. There was an ice sculpture of swans at the cocktail hour. Nice. It ends up that the sculpture could have been anything and it wasn't until after Alice picked the swans that Johnny said they should have got an ice sculpture done of their dog, which actually would have been really cool, but, unfortunately, it was too late. Food was abundant at the cocktail hour and I, being from casual wedding land of the Northwest, thought it was actually dinner. Everything was divided by stations -- the seafood station, the crudites station, the cheese station (yea!), the prime rib station -- and there were three people with headset walkie talkies walking amidst the guests and directing the food and drink flow, "Can we get a glass sweep at table seven. More Fontana at station four." And these same three people were responsible for getting the families and bridal party to their special, undisclosed location before dinner. That was great. "We have a sister at 3 o'clock and we have locked the mothers at the champagne station. Missing the nephew. Has anyone located the nephew?"

The dinner was in the Grand Ballroom. Our place card read, "Mr. Thomas Lyman and guest." Even though the invitation came to both of us. Got to respect a woman who can get that little jab in so skillfully. Well played Alice. Well played. I went to Table B and was standing there alone when the lights fell and a booming World Wrestling Federation-type announcer came over the loudspeaker saying, "Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Florentine Gardens. We want you to put your hands together for some very special people. Introducing.......the father and mother of the bride, Mr. and Mrs. ---- English!!!" and then these double doors opened and three blue spotlights swung from the ceiling to shine on Alice's parents as they walked out onto the dance floor accompanied by, "Are You Ready for This," (heard at sporting events throughout the world) and having the walk projected onto a giant video screen. Their entrance was followed by Mrs. Lyman ("accompanied by her nephew..."), the sisters and brothers with their families, the best man and maid of honor and finally, the moment we've all been waiting for, Mr. and Mrs. John Lyman!!!!! And the crowd went wild. It really did.

Tom's speech was lovely: funny, heartfelt and personal. When Kenny Malaguchi yelled, "Wrap it up!" as Tom was starting the final tearjerker part, I shot a look of pure venom his direction and frightened Tom's other friends with my wrath. Not that Tom needs defending, but no one is going to heckle my boy unless he wants them to. Word.

Other details: the food was fabulous, we danced a lot, including "Living on a Prayer" but the DJ stopped the song after the first chorus because Tom and I were the only ones on the dance floor and we were sort of acting the lyrics out. Apparently no one pokes fun at JBJ in the state of NJ. I loved my French frock, Tom's family and friends are very fun and my date was the best looking one there.