The first revelation of 2010

Did I ever write about my salvation brought on by blooming lilacs last May? It happened one morning when I was walking Rabito in Westerpark and involved the spirit of my dear cat, Waldo, absolute knowledge that I (1) wasn't alone in my journey, (2) was held tenderly in the universe's hand and (3) had always been, and, finally, an overwhelming sense of calm. It was life altering and reset the course for all things, with ascension as the goal. Up! Up! Up!

Strangely, I must have thought that my moment of salvation and subsequent upward angle was it. I got the message, evaluated my reality, changed my path and BOOM! My work here is done. Time to put it on cruise control and relax.

Turns out that isn't the case. I am struggling lately with negative vibes -- letting things get to me and drag me down despite my simultaneous overjoyed glee at being in New York, in an apartment I love, with the man I love, successfully freelancing and feeling good about my work, soaking it in and grinning most of the time. Despite all that, there is a dark shadow in the corners and I think it means I need to let my spirit go on walkabout to find the next staircase. The next level I need to get through. And after that level, there will be another.

It is a little bit scary to think that ascension is infinite. That hadn't occurred to me until now. You go up! up! up! and there really isn't anywhere to stop, unless you allow yourself to fall back down. You can't stay stagnant and you can't stop working. Finding peace seemed accidental, but retaining peace is nothing but intentional. How strange to realize this now and how fascinating it will be to go seeking in this new place, where calm is in short supply.


Friday night art excursion

"It's an Andy Warhol!"
In a whisper loud enough to hear three paintings away.
Standing in front of Cy Twombly's akimbo canvas,
I try hard to rise above but fail.