“It looks like sloth, but it feels like war”

This is a quote from a very well written essay on depression that my friend sent me today. I think this may be the best description of living through it that I have ever read. Though I have been off meds for years now, and made intense choices and kept moving forward without their help, the thought of going back on...or needing to...is never that far away. Sometimes I wonder if my Sundays spent alone in my apartment or on solitary walks through the city are a sign that I am receding into myself too much. Perhaps yes. Perhaps no. I tend to think no. It feels vastly different to be alive in my skin now than it did then. It actually feels quite good.

People around me are living through some seriously brutal chapters right now and I wish I could help them with their pain. It has to be ok for people to shut down when they need to and it has to be ok for people to find help in whatever form works for them. There is no weakness in feeling fragile or lost -- this is the cost of being human. It is sometimes hard to remember what it was like to just get through the days and keep breathing.

If you are interested in reading the essay, here is the link: http://www.dervala.net/archives/000873.html